Silent Moments
by SammieeJay
Summary: Castle and Beckett. {The watershed proposal didnt happen, and this is set later on in season six.} "Castle, thank you for being a part of my life, even for just the moments we shared."
1. Until tomorrow

A/N: I never really write angst. But I thought thatI would give it a shot. This includes character death...let me know what you think? a

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First came her delicate laugh and then the echo of the bullet striking through her skull. Her face displayed a blank expression, and a trace of a small smile of surprise curving up the edges her rose lips, and a blanket of red splattering over his shirt. The rest was slightly blurred, as her hysterical scream rose above the others, her limp body dropping to the floor; like a rock sinking to the pitless dark blue ocean, entombed in a world of silence and darkness, forever to wait in it's place slowly decaying. Everything began to gradually speed up as her body convulsed and the scarlet liquid maintained its pace and gushed out, continuing to splash his shirt.

"Kate!" He screamed, his voice terrified, and his eyes fluttered open and closed, trying to block out the gory image playing out in front of him, his dark eyelashes desperately trying to shield him from the horror that lied within his soul. There she was. One whom was once alive merely five minutes ago, was now laying in front of him, frozen stiff, her skin already taking on a deathly pale shade. Her veins were now becoming fully visible as she laid motionless in an awkward position; her legs tangled over the legs of the chair which she was sat at in the precinct.

Castles hands flew to the sides of his throbbing temples as he watched Javi shake her roughly. He held the ability make out words but nothing made sense to him, nothing registered. Then a pair of crystallised brown eyes levelled with his and he roughly threw his hands into his blood stained lap.

"She's gone, Castle." His throat sounded clogged up, and he had turned slightly pale as he stood next to her, who he thought of as a sister. His words coaxed Castle's mind out of it's prison, as the sound-proof barriers were lowered, and he managed to understand the words that left his lips.

"Don't just stand there, Javi!" He pleaded, "Do something!"

"She's dead." His voice was dry, and you could detect the element of force that he had to put against those words to get them to leave his throat.

"She's dead, Castle." His words were softer this time, and he turned around, running out, sprinting after the man wearing the FBI uniform.

As Castle turned back to Kate, his heart throbbed. Her tangled curls that framed the left side of her face were stained with crimson blood, that teasing expression that could melt the hardest of hearts had dissolved and was now blank. Her hazel eyes that sparkled when you spoke to her and her serious attitude when you told her your problems were now dull and none existent.

She had slipped through his hands like grains of sand and here he stood helpless. His head levelled with hers, as her cold lifeless hazel eyes bore into his, her mouth ajar as if laughing silently at him. Her brown bangs had formed a curtain around her eyes, the only glimpse of her once beautiful eyes, behind shades of hair that would no longer be brushed back by caring hands. All he can feel is guilt. Its all guilt and it filled him to the brim. The sound of shouting and the oceans waves lulled his mind into the seducing embrace, only to let him lift his head when it had all ceased. He could hear the ocean cry out in protest and pain, roaring and screaming. And leaning down, he kissed her harshly, while she stayed frozen in his grasp. He wanted it to be real, but she couldn't join in the fantasy. She was gone. He wrapped both arms around her, hoping that with time, she'd come around and feel the same way. Even though he understood that he would never feel the response to his kisses by her soft lips. He also understood that he would never hear her gentle voice, or her soft breath against his neck as she slept against his chest. But just because he _understood it, it didn't necessarily mean that he accepted_ it.

So, he simply sat there. Cradling a lifeless Katherine Houghton Beckett in his arms, whispering "_I love you_," over and over again aware it was falling upon deaf ears while tears trickled down his pale cheeks and into her blood stained hair.

This is why, Richard Castle, found himself seated in Gages' office the following day, his eyes red and puffy.

The whole precinct was silent. There was nothing, and he felt his shoulder get tapped softly.

"Mr Castle..." And for once, Gates' voice was little. She sounded genuinely saddened, and concerned. "This...this is for you." She spoke quietly, handing him a disc case, and a remote. "Press play when you're ready...I'll give you some privacy." She spoke as she left the room, and shutting the door as softly as she possibly could.

Taking a deep breath, he pressed play. He had no idea what he was watching, and he wasnt really switched on until he heard her voice.

_"Hi, so, um...I guess if you're watching this, I'm no longer with you. But I'm sitting right in front of you right now, and I'm wondering why I don't just talk to you. So, here goes. I left this video for you, because you have come to mean an incredible amount to me. When we met, you were so wonderful; everything about you took my breath away. Even though at times you were a self-centred, egotistical jackass, you were quirky, honest and full of life, I couldn't help but want be near you, like there was a magnetic field between our bodies that just wanted to gravitate towards each other...by the end of that first day, we were I was teasing you, pinching your nose and solving crimes with you. It was the night I fell in love. Thank you for that. I will carry it with me always. Thank you also, for all the late night talks we had. There was always something about the way you listened that made me feel like the only person in the world. It wasn't always bad between us. I want you to remember that. Thank you for taking an interest in learning about my career, even though I think you rather enjoyed that. _

_Rick, you inspired me to love my life how I wanted to live it, and not be defined by my moms murder. You inspired me to love more, to be more patient and to forgive. I forgive you for everything that you have ever made me feel, not because I'm any better than you, not because I am good but because I'm not angry anymore. You have been the greatest love of my life, and I am so glad I shared the best moments of my life with you; as well as some of the most heart breaking and life defining moments. But even in all of the pain and the hurt, there was growth. I learned to have boundaries, I learned my self-worth was more than I myself had previously allowed myself. I learned to love out loud. I learned not to wait to share my thoughts and feelings, because one day, that person may move on. I am just, in all honesty Castle, thankful that you waited for me._

_I own myself today, because of you. I suppose a part of me will always love you. That's what's most amazing about love, isn't it? There's no getting it back once you give it away. Castle, thank you for being a part of my life, even for just the moments we shared. I will keep you close to my heart even though I will not be there to carry on this life wi you anymore, and hope you will do the same. Promise me you'll forgive yourself for your part in the ugly things that have transpired between us, let's not hang on to the past that isn't anything less than positive and beautiful. I come clean today so I may walk away…I hope you can do the same._

_So I am basically going to say goodbye. but not forever. I know our paths will meet again, but you still have a very long and happy life ahead of you, Rick. So please, live it. I will always be there with you. I'll be your guardian angel. Your North Star. Your always. But never be afraid to date again, as long as you're happy, Castle. That is all I will ask of you; to be happy._

_Until then Rick...Love you always, Kate." _

As the video finished, he felt his heart pounding in his chest, tears flowing fast down his cheeks at the sound of her voice. The voice that he imagined he would never hear again, and he just stared at the screen. Taking in her beautiful face, trying to restore that image of her into his brain instead of the lifeless one which had been laying in his arms the previous night. He just wanted her. And as he sat there still in the office chair, he slid his hand into his jacket pocket, letting his hand enclose around a square velvet box. He brought it out of his pocket and opened it slowly, revealing an engagement ring that he never quite gor round to offering her.

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Review?


	2. Silent Screams

A/N: A quick follow up chapter. :)

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Everything around him was black. It was as if there was a complete absence of light, which was something Richard Castle had never experienced before. His own heavy breathing coupled with silence filled his ears, and his body felt as if it had been numbed; drained of everything that would usually infiltrate his being. At the same instant, he felt the uncomfortable sensation of the whole situation. Everyone was eyeing him; watching his every movement closely. And he felt as if he was suffocating. There's a blackened throng of people marching, and he is amongst them. With deathly flair, and graceful care they slowly move their feet. They keep tight hold of the coffin on their shoulders, in two rows of three people either side. Jim, Castle and Esposito on one side, Ryan, Gates and Karpowski on the other. The rain is falling mournfully, tapping upon the ground in sync with the patter of the marching feet as the music began to play. Shoulders began to stoop, and sobs were widely heard as the shining, ominous coffin took centre of this stage. Silent, stoic, he walked at the head of the coffin. His loves coffin carried by friends and opted family, because there was no one now, other than her dad. He wore black, the usual choice for a funeral.

As the coffin made it's way past him, his gaze returned to the open and ready grave before him. It seemed all too ready to swallow the remains of the one closest to him, like gaping mouths, hungry for the pain and suffering he felt. And slowly, he watched the coffin get lowered into the earth, watching it get swallowed up by the waiting ground. Turning his head, he saw Lanie crying into Esposito's uniform, her sobs uncontrollable. Esposito looked as if he was trying to keep himself to together for her, trying to calm her down. He heard him whisper "Shh," over and over into her ear, stroking his fingers through her hair at the same time. Quickly shifting his glance he diverted it to Martha and Alexis, who were stood with Jim now. Martha had one arm around Alexis and the other was holding onto Jims hand as they listened to the priests words; tears filling up in their eyes and some beginning to slip over the edge.

As they began to cover the caskets with earth he looked on at the coffin. He felt it was his own fault. 'I was a coward, I should have taken that bullet.' Was all that filled his mind. When the man with the gun fired the first shot, he wished that he had jamp in front of her; saved her. He could still hear her screams, the screams of his defenceless girlfriend. The very same screams that echoed in his ears during their funeral. It dawned on him that it was about time that he spoke. He had prepared a speech ready to say, but hell, he didn't know whether he could say it. So, reaching into his pockets, he let his shaky hands close around the crumpled up paper and pulled it out, going and standing at the edge of the grave.

_ "Well, meeting you was completely by chance. Being your friend was the best choice I ever made. And when I fell in love it was absolutely beyond my control. Love is the single most unplanned thing on the face of this marble we call earth, and I found it with you, Kate. Somewhere in between our laughs, long talks, coffees, stupid fights and our jokes...I fell in love. It's funny how big of an impact you had on me, Kate. It's like when I saw you, you didn't even have to speak, just smile. And that we enough to make my day. And, I knew just then, I wanted to be your fairytale," he spoke, standing over the grave and speaking to it as if he was enabled to chance to speak to her for one last time. _

_"I love you and I am who I am today because of you. You're every reason, every hope, every dream I've ever had, and no matter what happens in the future, I will always be yours. And, you my darling, will always be mine. My one and only always. I can't wait to see you again, Kate. Look out for me down here, will you? I love you, and I'll wait for you, because I don't want anyone else. I may not have given you a lot to remember, but please, wherever you are, don't forget me. Now, I know that not all the people in your life are meant to stay, but all you need to know now, is you are someone who I will always miss, because no one belongs here, in my arms, more than you do. Right from the start I knew I had to make you mine, because KateHoughton Beckett, you are remarkable." But then he realised that he was holding onto something that didn't exist anymore. That the person he missed didn't exist anymore, and the words clogged in his throat as he looked up from the coffin and around at the guests. "Kate was a dreamer, that's what she was. She was extraordinary, caring, loving...and one thing she taught me was that If you love someone, you say it right then, out loud. Otherwise, the moment will just pass you by. I imagine conversations that I know we would have had...the best relationships are when you can act like lovers and best friends. It's when you have more playful moments than serious ones. It's when you can joke around, and have unexpected hugs and kisses. It's when you give each other that specific stare and smile. It's where you would rather be with each other at home with a film and some popcorn than go out all the time. It's when you stay up all night just to settle your arguments or your problems, and finally...it's when you can completely act yourself around them and they still love you for who you are. And that, is what I had with Kate. I will wait for you, Kate. I'll wait 'til we meet again, because I don't want anyone else. I can't wait to see you again, beautiful. Enjoy yourself up there, angel." _A tear fell from his eye as he said one final silent goodbye and turned away from the fresh grave and faced the dying sun. Now that the tears had started they would not stop, and he sunk down to the ground sobbing. As the sun finally dipped below the horizon Martha and Jim lay a hand upon each of his shoulders, a gesture meant to comfort Him.

"That was beautiful," Jim spoke, ceasing a sob from escaping his lips, and Martha squeezed Jims hand for support. He glanced bitterly at the people on the road in front of the cemetery, his gaze icy and sorrowful. His eyes were now dry, from his heart finally seemed to realise that no volume of tears would still it's torment. No amount of sorrow or sympathy would allow it to mend itself. Because, she was gone. And this time; there was nothing more he could do. There would be no tomorrow for them.

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I think this will be the only follow up chapter for this story. But let me know what you thought :)


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